Sry I called you an 8
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
