My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
