we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
