Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
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i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
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Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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