Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
