Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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