Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
