My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
