i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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