the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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