I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
