Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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