you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
