Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
