your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
