I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It's Friday. Sex?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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