Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
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