Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
