Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
