she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
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The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
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YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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