just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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