Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
