Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
