But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
