Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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