Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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