That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
