My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Did I show you my penis last night?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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