I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Terrible idea I love it
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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