we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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