and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
