Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
