she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
