dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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