When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
