Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
