He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
