I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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