just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
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the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
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If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize