Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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