I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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