I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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