so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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