Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
