I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
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WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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