YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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