i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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