dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
