when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's no shave November. This is our time.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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