I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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