my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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