We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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