who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
