He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
