Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
