I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
