Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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