my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
