I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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