I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He did a backflip because drugs
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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