Where did you get a picture of my penis
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
