i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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