You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
