You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Sex in the backyard? Check.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
