It's just like the Real World with babies
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
