No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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