DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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