he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
