my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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