this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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