I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm really busy with my period
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